Big Events Still Give Me Food Anxiety—Even After 30 Years

Even 30 years later, I still get anxious when a big event pops up on my calendar—weddings, birthday parties, holidays, work dinners, you name it. Anything that combines food and a crowd makes my nerves kick in.

I wish I could say it gets easier. And in some ways, it does—I’ve gotten better at planning, asking questions, and speaking up. But the worry? That still shows up!

What am I going to eat?
Will there be anything safe?
Will I have to explain my allergies—again?
Will I seem high maintenance?
Will I feel embarrassed?

If any of that sounds familiar—you’re not alone! I’ve been managing severe food allergies my whole life, and I still think about this stuff. Every single time.

But over the years, I’ve learned that preparation gives me power. It doesn’t erase the anxiety, but it helps me feel more confident and in control. Here are five things I do before every big event:

1. Reach Out Ahead of Time

This is a game-changer. Whether it’s a wedding or work event, I try to find out what’s on the menu and if the host or caterer can accommodate. It used to make me anxious to ask—I didn’t want to seem needy—but now I see it as self-care. Most people appreciate the heads-up. I usually say something like: "Hi! I have a few serious food allergies and wanted to check what’s being served, and if there might be a safe option for me." Sometimes it works out perfectly. Sometimes I need to bring my own food. Either way, I go in feeling prepared.

2. Always Bring a Back-Up

Even if I’ve been told something will be safe, I still bring my own snacks - like some crackers or a MadeGood granola bar. I’ve ‘quietly eaten’ my own food at plenty of events while everyone else digs into the buffet—and honestly, no one notices. I’d much rather feel full and safe than anxious and hungry!

3. Have a Friend Who Gets It

Having one person at the event who understands my allergies makes a huge difference. I give my husband, a friend, or a coworker a heads-up beforehand so they can support me if needed. Even a simple, “Hey, mind sticking with me while I ask about the food?” can help. These days, my friends usually ask before I get the chance too - those are the real ones!

4. Be Your Own Advocate—Without Shame

I used to feel embarrassed asking questions or saying no to food. Now I remind myself:

My safety is not inconvenient.
My allergies are not embarrassing.
And advocating for myself isn’t rude—it’s necessary.

You don’t owe anyone a long explanation. Say what you need, and protect your peace🖤

5. Give Yourself Permission to Say No

Some events just don’t have anything safe. And that’s okay. I no longer push myself to “make it work” if it doesn’t feel right. Sometimes I skip the food entirely and just enjoy the people. I’ll eat before or after. Once I let go of the pressure to blend in, events felt a lot more fun.

To Anyone Who Feels This Way...

You’re not overreacting. You’re not being dramatic. Living with food allergies adds an invisible layer of stress to everyday situations—and especially to big events. But with time, prep, and self-compassion, you can show up confidently. You can have fun. And you deserve to enjoy these moments—just like anyone else. I still get nervous. But I’ve also created amazing memories where I felt safe, supported, and part of the celebration—because I gave myself what I needed.

So I’ll keep showing up. Because life is worth celebrating—even with a few extra precautions.

XXOO,
JJ