How I Talk to New Friends (and Dates) About My Food Allergies

Talking about food allergies isn’t always easy — especially with new people. Whether it’s a coworker, a new friend, or someone you’re dating, there’s always that moment where you have to decide: Do I bring it up now? How much do I say? Will they get it?

For a long time, I downplayed my allergies to avoid being seen as “dramatic” or “too much.” I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone or make things awkward — even though, let’s be honest, food is a huge part of how we connect with others.

But over time, I’ve learned this: speaking up early saves me from bigger, messier situations later. And most of the time, people actually appreciate the honesty.

Here’s how I approach it — and how you can too.

Start Simple, Keep It Real

When I meet someone new and we’re making plans that involve food, I try to bring it up casually and early. Something like:

“Just a heads up — I have a lot of food allergies, so I’ll probably ask a bunch of questions when we eat out. Hope that’s okay!”

It’s light but clear. It gives them a heads-up without turning it into a big deal.

If We’re Grabbing Food, I’ll Suggest the Spot

If someone says, “Let’s go out to eat!” I almost always suggest the restaurant. Not because I’m picky — but because I’ve already done the (hours of) research. I know which spots can accommodate me and which ones are a hard no. People are usually happy to let someone else choose, and if they ask why, I’ll just say:

“I have a few allergies, and this place is amazing about handling them — makes things way easier!”

It keeps the vibe casual and safe.

Dating: The Conversation I Don’t Skip

Let’s talk about dating — because this is where it gets really personal. When I first started dating my now-husband, I was nervous to bring up my allergies. I worried he’d see it as a burden. But honestly? The sooner, the better. One line I’ve used that works well:

“Before we pick a spot, I should mention I have a few food allergies — I’ve gotten good at navigating it, but just want to make sure we’re good wherever we go.”

If someone brushes it off, makes fun of it, or acts like it’s a big inconvenience? That tells you everything you need to know.

On the flip side — when someone listens, asks thoughtful questions, or goes out of their way to be careful? That’s a major green flag.

And yes, even kissing matters. If someone’s eaten one of your allergens recently, it could be a risk. I’ve found it’s best to bring it up with a mix of honesty and humor. If someone’s worth kissing, they’ll care enough to keep you safe.

Most People Want to Help — They Just Don’t Know How

A lot of the time, people are just unsure. They don’t know what to ask, what’s safe, or how serious it is. I’ve had friends say, “I want to invite you to dinner, but I’m scared I’ll mess something up.”

That’s when I remind them: I’d much rather you ask questions than pretend to know. I’m happy to bring food, help plan, or even cook together.

Being open creates space for connection — not just restriction.

Final Thoughts

If you live with food allergies, you don’t owe anyone an apology for protecting yourself — and this is something I’m still working on 30 years later! You can be polite and direct. You can laugh about it and take it seriously. The more we talk about it, the easier it gets — and the more we normalize it for the next person.

So say it out loud. Suggest the restaurant. Set the boundary. And know that your safety is never “too much.”

You deserve friends and partners who get it — or at the very least, who want to.

XXOO,
JJ